Classic Sitcom Moments
The Nanny:
“The Tart with Heart”
Episode written by Frank Lombardi. Jason Alexander guest stars as Jack.
I grew up watching sitcoms (situation comedies)…and then aged 49 years while doing so. I’ve never regretted it. They’re now a part of my DNA. They taught me how to live, love, learn, and…uh…be lascivious? lol
And you know what, readers, sometimes situations ARE comedic. AND maybe some of us need to see problems presented, worked through, and solved in 22 minutes. They’re like a coping mechanism for those people...like me? lol
Transcript for “Tart With Heart” Episode Bar Scene · Akbar Khan
FRAN: Oh, I can’t believe I’m back in the meet market—it’s so sad! I mean, the best years of my life and I’ve spent 90 percent of them--
VAL: --with a guy who kisses you passionately and takes it back; asks to marry you, takes it back; tells you he loves, takes it back--
FRAN: I was going to say, “talking with you, Val!” But thanks for the post-game wrap-up! You know, the reason why he keeps taking it back is because I’m nothing but a pretty plaything to him. I mean, he doesn’t take me seriously! Can I have a Double Apricot Sour, rim it with Sweet-n’-Low? Come on, let’s go get a table before some other yutz tries to pick me up.
JACK: Too late, ladies. I’m Jack. Do you mind if I buy you a drink?
FRAN: Um…do you mind? We really want to be alone…What is it with guys, why do they always think just because you’re at in a singles bar, in a cute top, a tight skirt, and stiletto heels, you’re looking for action.
JACK: And why do women think guys except them to jump into bed every time they try to buy them a drink. Now—potato skins? I’d get you both
FRAN: I don’t think so.
VAL: Speak for yourself. I haven’t had a potato skin in three years. [waves flirtatiously and smiles].
JACK: No, seriously. You sound like a very nice woman. And looks really don’t matter to me.
FRAN: Yeah, right—you’re “only interested in me for my mind—like I haven’t heart that bef--…actually, I’ve never heard that…
JACK: I ordered a drink about ten minutes ago—bartender!
FRAN: It’s sitting right in front of you—what are you blind?
JACK: Yes.
FRAN: A sympathy pick-up? Pretending to be blind just so that you can take home a couple of college girls.
[ME: I guess she means Adult/Continuing Education lolo]
JACK: College girls…forgive me, I’m…I’m very sorry.
FRAN: Val, get a table this could work.
JACK: I’ll drink to that.
[He mistakes a votive candle for his drink, takes a mistake-sip, and almost burns his nose].
FRAN: Watch it! Watch it!